Journey - February 2006

February 2006

"The best thing about New Year's Day is that I'm one year closer to being able to leave this marriage. I'm committed to staying in it till the last child graduates high school."

With those words began our counseling session with a new couple, referred by friends who had previously been helped by counseling. We had never heard it put quite the way this unhappy wife put it, though it's not uncommon for couples to try to keep it together until the nest is emptied. Though this couple had apparently checked out on their marriage years earlier and had settled into a barely functional, non-vital coexistence, the nail in the coffin seemed to be her discovery of his addiction to Internet pornography. As we listened to their perspectives and their buried hopes and dreams regarding marriage, it became clear that they really didn't want to end their marriage but didn't know how to make it different. Because both of them were willing to invest in repair work, we gave them a plan of action that included confession, forgiveness, and a commitment to treat one another with honor and respect. In just two weeks, they returned and their countenances were markedly different. Though they still have plenty to work on, they are experiencing hope as they reconnect with one another.

One very full day a week, we counsel couples at the newly opened Home Improvement Ministries office. We hear a lot of pain, broken dreams, anger, disillusionment, and confusion. Confident in the power of the Holy Spirit and in the truth of scripture, we welcome the opportunity to come alongside hurting couples and give them hope and direction. Our passion for encouraging marriages and families continues to grow.

Flying to San Antonio today, our seat mate was a 29-year-old female divorcee we'll call "Mary." She asked what we do, and after telling her we speak at marriage conferences and encourage marriages through counseling and teaching, she said, "Wow, that's needed." Mary then volunteered her story: she was married and divorced within a year after three years of cohabitation. "No one in my generation sees marriage as a sacrament, and sex is just something you do with whoever you’re with," she observed with a twinge of sadness.

That's why we do what we do. The world is a better place when a marriage is healed and when children are given the gift of parents whose marriage is growing. The glory of God is revealed when a marriage reflects His design for this covenant relationship. Everyone (except divorce court and the entire industry surrounding this sadly booming business) benefits when a couple lives together with honor and respect.

The past few months have given us many opportunities to contribute positively to these ideals. We partnered with Christ's Church in Hamilton, MA, on the first Saturday of the new year by presenting at a day long conference on "How to teach your kids God's view of sexuality." Pastor Bart Stevens has the vision for laying a solid foundation of God's design for purity during the early years of life which will be built upon during the teen years with the "true love waits" emphasis. Good teaching on God's heart for our sexuality during every stage of life will hopefully equip the upcoming generations to be spared the extent of sexual brokenness so pervasive in our culture. "Mary" was surprised to hear from us that some in this world have chosen to honor God's design for sexual purity and are waiting to be sexually involved until they've entered the covenant relationship. It was clearly a new concept to her. All the more reason to keep teaching the counter-cultural, non-postmodern truth of scripture.

The HIM Marriage Conference was the highlight of January (see related article) and feedback continues to arrive, affirming that God was very active throughout the weekend.

Engagement Matters ushered in February and though our numbers for this focus are lower than in previous years, the quality of the experience was not. Nate and Jeannie King, Larry and Sandra Metaxotos, and Doug and Julie Macrae (who also hosted the event at their lovely Weston estate) joined us in staffing this event. The participants gave high evaluative marks to their experience, many noting that it had been extremely helpful in challenging them to more deeply and thoughtfully consider the design and expectations for Christian marriage. Lots of good interaction, good questions, good times. Fortunately (?), the Super Bowl wasn't as distracting as it has been the past few years.

Our H.I.M. Valentine's event was canceled due to being venue - challenged. The site we had arranged with bailed on us pretty late in the game and Herculean efforts were made to find a replacement site to no avail. Though we reluctantly took it off the books, we have a heart to rebook it as soon as possible. A major February snowstorm caused the cancellation of Free Christian Church of Andover's big couple's event February 12, for which we were scheduled to speak, but it is being rescheduled. We did speak at a Couples' Valentine's event sponsored by Trinity Church in Bolton on February 13. It was a joy to see their home-cooked meal served by their youth group to a sold-out crowd of celebrating couples. Ahhh—refreshingly simple and real.

We've also spoken at Park Street's "Couple's Talk" evening and at several Mom to Mom's.

The dominating focus in the new year has been the completion of our Doctor of Ministry program. We spent two weeks in Charlotte in January and have been feverishly working since to complete our dissertations. Paul's project is on premarital preparation for marriage, and mine is on marriage enrichment: how to keep marriage alive and growing. By March 31, all work will be in and we will have defended our theses. That is a statement of faith and of our belief in miracles. Actually, we've both almost finished our first drafts (thanks to a great four-day getaway to a friend's empty home on the beach in Hyannis recently) and we are guardedly optimistic that on May 6, 2006, at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary's Hamilton campus, we will walk together to receive our Doctor of Ministry degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy.

Another focus of these months has been coming alongside a sincere group of families who feel God is leading them to launch a church that has family and marriage ministry as core values, in both theory and practice. We’re working with them in the formation of the plan and are inspired by their dedication and vision. On March 1, we will help them launch the Family Bible Fellowship Family Nights in Maynard (www.fbfweb.org) and are committed to teaching a 12-week series, "Parenting By Design, Not Default," on those nights.

We’re delighted to be returning to San Antonio now to do a marriage conference for the First Presbyterian Church. This will be followed by a couple of days in Dallas making ministry connections before continuing on to Phoenix, to speak at the Pro-Athletes Outreach Conference. We’re expecting quite a number of our Patriot couples to be in attendance. From there we go on to Lake Tahoe for our third year with the special group from Arcade Wesleyan Church before heading home.

That brings you up to date with our comings and goings. We’re grateful for the opportunities we have in this ministry. Thanks for your interest in the ministry and in us. We covet your prayers that we'll use our gifts to the "highest and best" for the glory of God.