Journey

April 2005

We stood at Mile 16, joining the cheering masses as participants in the 109th Boston Marathon passed by en route to the finish line 10.2 miles away. It was the culmination of months of arduous training, and the runners pressed well beyond comfort and ease with the goal of finishing well. We were easily caught up in the drama and inspiration of watching perseverance in motion; all shapes, sizes, and ages passed by, some seemingly effortlessly, others obviously struggling. In our company was a veteran marathoner who filled in the gaps of our understanding with his ongoing commentary. He was able to "read" the body language of the runners and interpret his perceptions to us. One male runner, whose number indicated a high seed in the field, passed us slowly, holding his side, laboring to breathe. Erich commented, "In the next mile or two, he'll make a decision whether or not he will, in fact, cross the finish line or drop out of the run." Heartbreak Hill ominously threatened down the road a bit and the challenge of that uphill grind after already running 18 miles could defeat a runner either physically or mentally. As Erich shouted encouragement and words of hope to the runners, it was obvious that he knew that made a difference.

How heartbreaking it would be to invest hours, days, and months preparing for the marathon but fail to complete it.

It is an apt metaphor for the vision that drives Home Improvement Ministries. We’re committed to encourage and support couples and families as they run the race of life. This "run" is a marathon, and the route takes one through challenges that threaten one's resolve to press on and finish well. Fifty percent of those who begin the "race of marriage" will drop out at Heartbreak Hill, never making it to the finish line or to the throngs waiting on the green to celebrate.

We've spent these past two months "shouting encouragement and words of hope" to audiences of married couples, families, and counselees, reminding them that though the marathon is tough at times, it's well worth staying focused on finishing well.

The end of February found us in Atlanta, Georgia, as part of the teaching team for the Professional Athletes Outreach conference. It was a true joy to partner with Norm and Bobbe Evans, whose faithfulness to and vision for serving the professional athletes has produced effective equipping conferences for this elite group. Several of our current and former New England Patriots attended, which made the conference even more personally meaningful to us. Our teaching focused on bridging the gaps between differing temperaments in marriage and was received well.

Our second annual H.I.M. "True Love Waits-Family Edition" followed our return from Atlanta. Sponsored in conjunction with the Ockenga Institute at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, it was a day full of energy, information, and encouragement. One youth pastor noted that the family edition of TLW is different in some very good ways, perhaps most notably that the teens seemed more engaged and less distracted as they participated in the midst of a multi-generational group. The teaching team was inspiring, and many of the youth commented on how reinforcing it was to hear from different perspectives God's call to purity.

We were "home" more than during the previous two months, doing local events in March and April. We spoke to Mom to Mom (MTM) groups at St. Michael's Parish in Bedford (their inaugural year, spearheaded by Anne Hayes and Kathy Clark, has been the fulfillment of several years of praying and planning by these ladies), at Trinity Church in Bolton, at Trinitarian Church in Wayland, and at Grace Chapel in Lexington. We love the ministry of MTM and are always honored to partner with this strategic and effective ministry. Our partnership with Park Street Church was fulfilled with the last two of five Friday evenings sprinkled throughout the year which focused on parenting issues. We also finished up our "Family Focus Night" series at Lexington Christian Academy, and we spent two Saturday nights at Trinitarian Church of Wayland, speaking for their couples' date nights.

"Recapturing Eden", our marriage conference series for this 04-05 year, was presented at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary on March 19. Due to an unexpected turn of events, Paul taught alone as I was sidelined with severe tonsillitis. He was very thankful to have Danny and Rayna Oertli partnering with him as worship leaders, and a great team of workshop leaders as well.

Another Ockenga-H.I.M. event (scheduled for March 1, but postponed due to snow) was an all-day pastors' forum on "Putting the Family Back in the Family of God." We are increasingly concerned by the trend in churches to supplant most focused ministries or programs with an exclusive small-group approach, especially since very few of the small groups include the family. For many decades, the church has segregated the body into age/stage divisions as it has bought into a cultural pattern, the long term effects of which are showing up negatively as having contributed to excessive isolation and independence. Small groups are a good thing-they’re just not the only thing, and our concern is that many churches are contributing to the fragmentation of the family rather to its growing solidarity. The day generated good discussion and creative ideas to help churches more effectively minister to the needs of the whole body, from the youngest to the oldest, both single and married. Much of our wealth and potential for growth is experienced when the generations come together.

Our final "Engagement Matters" presentation for this year was held April 22 and 23. Twenty-two couples committed about twelve hours single-mindedly focused on wrestling with God's design for marriage, along with the potential delights and pitfalls. We love this venue! The empirical evidence is so convincing that the marriage decision is the second most important decision one makes in life (the first being how one responds to Jesus); it affects everything else for the rest of one's life. That's why it's so critical to make that decision well. We welcome the chance to challenge couples to consider thinking way outside of the "happily ever after" myth and to deal very honestly with realities. It's refreshing to be with couples who express a commitment to embrace and honor God's design for the covenant relationship.

We weren't entirely homebound these two months. Mid-March we flew to California to speak for the second year in a row for the 1st Baptist Church of Visalia's marriage conference held in San Simeon (on the California coast just north of Julie's college in San Luis Obispo). We so appreciate the hearts of Mike and Denni Willeford, who make this annual conference happen. In early April, we did a marriage conference in San Antonio, Texas, at the Presbyterian Church located right across the street from the Alamo. It was a first for the church and the response was very positive.

What a privilege it is to speak words of encouragement and hope into the lives of so many. We are truly grateful to get to do what we do. Today we pass Mile 29 of our own marriage "run" and are surprised both that the number is so big and that it is so small. Reflecting back, we’re aware that our journey together has taken us through many different terrains, up hills, and down in valleys; we've seen some incredibly beautiful vistas and we've been in places without a view. Though we've broken pace at times, by God's grace we've never broken our covenant vows and we’re more committed than ever to finishing the race together. Nothing thrills us more than coaching others in the race to affirm that same commitment.